


Last Coffee Run

by Das_macht_spass



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comedy, He has an ugly soul, Let's bully Shido, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21849970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Das_macht_spass/pseuds/Das_macht_spass
Summary: A nasty crime boy and a soft barista work together to ruin a wannabe prime minister's day.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Comments: 7
Kudos: 121





	Last Coffee Run

Shido hated sweet things.

It was almost fitting, Akechi thought. The way such a bitter, disgusting excuse for a person retched at just the slight taste of sugar. While Akechi could care less about his former employer’s palette, the text that came through earlier made his odd ruminations begin. 

**Sunglasses:** Meet me at my office. 11:00, sharp. Bring the usual - tall Americano, two extra shots. 

Akechi rolled his eyes at the text. He knew Shido had lackeys and interns who could easily do a coffee run for the politician, but this was all just a power play. Shido just wanted to squeeze his iron grip even tighter, and make Akechi act like a pathetic lapdog.

The thoughts of his past errands made Akechi grimace. It always felt so degrading, waiting in long lines, averting his eyes as fangirls giggled and gossiped about whatever ‘lucky girlfriend’ he was treating. They would never know he was buying coffee for his mother’s tormentor. 

But unfortunately for Shido, his little plaything had already betrayed him long ago. Unbeknownst to the prime minister wannabe, the detective prince had realized the futility of his revenge plan and had turned to the one person who actually gave a shit about him, a raven-haired barista, and leader of the Phantom Thieves, Akira Kurusu.

Goro’s eyes lit up in excitement at the thought of his boyfriend, as a plan dawned on him. He was going to give his former boss a proper farewell gift. 

Goro let out a mischievous giggle, as he started toward Cafe Leblanc with a hop to his step, actually excited to buy his deadbeat dad coffee for once. 

* * *

Business was dead at Leblanc that day. 

Akira sighed, bored as Futaba had dragged Sojiro along in search of a newly released game. He was in the middle of polishing a mug, when a sound demanded his attention. The doors creaked open, and the familiar sight of a beige pea coat gave the barista something to focus on. Oddly enough, Akira could see Akechi flip the sign to 'closed' as he entered. 

“Americano with two shots on the fly, honey.” Akira cocked an eyebrow at his boyfriend’s request. Goro had a sweet tooth and almost never ordered coffee black.

He stepped away from the dishwasher to get a better look at his boyfriend, and he stiffened.

Stretched across Goro's face was the widest, toothiest grin he'd ever seen the detective give. His eyes weren't smiling alongside though, so it came off as diabolical. Goro's shoulders shook with a gleeful mischief, and Akira found himself shuddering. Goro Akechi, composed detective prince, looked like a feral animal, ready to swoop in and devour a hapless rabbit.

It was a refreshing change from that fake pleasant boy facade, and Akira kind of dug it. He started up the espresso machine, and got to work on the order. 

Throughout the process, he peered at his boyfriend out of the corner of his eye. The brunet was in the middle of examining a ash tray, filled halfway with burnt cinders and cigarette butts.

He gave Goro a skeptical look as he mixed the steamed water in. "So... an Americano, babe? That might be too bitter for you. Want me to add some sugar?"

Akechi closed his eyes with mirth, waving a gloved hand haplessly. He was touched by how well Akira knew him, and he really couldn’t believe he almost considered throwing that away for the sake of vengeance. 

“Oh no, don't trouble yourself! It's not for me."

Akira hummed, handing the steaming coffee over, wondering who the drink was for. Goro snapped the plastic lid off, which was strange if he wasn't going to drink it. He inhaled deeply, indulging in the familar fragance. 

”Ahhhh... Smells perfect, like always Akira.” Akechi complimented, making Akira smile. The barista played with his hair, about to offer praise in return, when a feral, devious leer flashed on Goro’s face again. “That won’t do at all.” 

_’Why didn’t he just ask me to add some stuff in?’_ Akira thought with a shrug. He figured his boyfriend was just having a weird, little moment.

He turned around, about to wipe the dishwasher down, when he almost missed it. Goro did the unthinkable. 

He dumped the cinders from the ash tray into the drink. A cigarette butt plopped into the coffee with a splash. 

Akira grimaced in disgust , and struggled to maintain his composure. “Hey babe. Let’s not waste my coffee, okay?”

Akechi’s grin stretched even further. He spoke quickly, barely holding back his vindictive glee. “Oh no need to worry! This coffee is going to serve a wonderful purpose!”

Akira blinked once. Then twice, still not comprehending the message. “Okay... What’s a coffee filled with trash gonna accomplish?

Goro tried to explain, but talking about his plan only made it even funnier. He began to wheeze from laughing so violently. Akira’s gaze hardened as he had never seen his boyfriend guffaw like this. It was out of character. And seeing the typically composed detective like this, hunched-over and breathless from laughing, made a few light giggles bubble up from Akira too.

”Goro, I can’t understand you, calm down honey!” Akira managed amidst laughing. He stared, taking a moment to indulge in the rare sight of Goro letting loose. “Breathe in and out, okay?”

Akechi listened, finally managing to force his giggles down. He looked to Akira with a soft, but excited gaze. “It can accomplish plenty when Shido scarfs it down his nasty gullet.”

It all finally clicked in Akira’s mind. 

Through teary eyes, Akechi recognized the beautiful, merciless grin that flashed on the barista’s face. 

”I’ll be right back, Goro!” Akira shouted, sprinting up the stairs like summer vacation just started.

”Oh take your time!” Akechi called out, excited to see what his boyfriend had in store.

Akechi whistled a bit, passing the time by emptying a salt shaker into Shido’s coffee. Then he did the same with a pepper shaker - for good measure. 

After a few moments, Akira rushed back down, hands held behind his back like he were hiding a gift.

”Is that for me, Akira?”

Akira shook his head. “Nah, love. You’re annoying but not _that_ annoying.” He sassed, before dumping some white clumps in. 

”What did you add?”

Akira hummed, and rolled his eyes playfully. “What? The detective prince can’t deduce it?”

Goro scoffed and pouted a little, which Akira found adorable.

“Okay, okay babe.” Akira tossed his head back and full-out cackled. “The _purrfect_ secret ingredient....” Akira snatched a nearby bowl, and rapped a spoon over it zealously, giving himself a mock drum roll. Akechi raised an amused eyebrow and joined in on the fun, clenching a hand over his chest, gasping melodramatically like he was having a heart attack.

”Akira! The suspense is simply killing me!” He plead with feigned trepidation.

The rapping slowly stopped as Akira’s excited grin turned to vengeance. He winked before deadpanning. “Morgana’s kitty litter.”

Despite the bad pun and cheesy display, Akechi’s heart warmed, as an expression of pure gratitude shined. He had no idea what he ever did to deserve Akira.

He glanced behind the counter, and his entire world became Akira. The shy, peaceful barista with a disarming demeanor that melted Goro’s stubborn shell, and freed him from darkness. Beautiful raven hair and a lithe gorgeous physique that was even more stunning on the inside

Goro stopped thinking. He tugged Akira forward by the apron strings and robbed the Phantom Thief’s breath. They melded into one another, mouths dancing and indulging in their shared love. A gloved hand carded through Akira’s hair, causing muffled gasps. The hard wooden counter made the kiss rather awkward and Akechi nearly knocked his dad's drink over. 

They pulled away, both blushing and breathless. It lasted just a few minutes, but to the detective and thief, the kiss seemed timeless.

”That was too short, babe.” Akira whined as he returns to wiping the counter down.

Akechi just nodded, as he glanced at his watch. It was 10:40.

“You don’t wanna be late, do you Goro?” Akira waggled his eyebrows, wringing out his dirty dish rag into Shido’s coffee for one final righteous jab. He stirred it with care and love and scribbled something in marker on the cup hastily, before giving it to the detective.

“Of course not. That would just be rude.” Goro teased, adjusting his tie and starting for the subway station. 

”Okay, love. I wanna hear about his reaction later.” Akira blew a farewell kiss as Goro exits. 

Goro made one final remark before leaving. ”As long as we can continue that kiss."

Akira just blushed, averting his gaze.

* * *

Akechi strolled into Shido’s office with a strut and a disinterested air about him. He set the cup gently down on Shido’s desk like it were some ancient relic.

”You wanted to speak to me sir?” Akechi asked, doing his best to maintain his tired, submissive, pleasant boy facade.

”Right on time, Akechi.” Shido huffed as he set some manila folder down, no doubt about to go into some spiel about the Phantom Thieves.

”The election is approaching fast. As long as we continue to deceive those idiotic thieves, my victory is assured.” Shido sneered, embodying cockiness. Akechi struggled not to roll his eyes. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you. You’re my ace in the hole, and I will reward you handsomely.”

Akechi just nodded, eyes dead on the coffee and one hand clutching his phone. 

”But, God is this all so tiring. I’m running on fumes right now.” Shido’s eyes softened as he spotted his tall steaming drink. “It’s the little things you do Akechi. Not just accomplishing your Metaverse work, but also bringing me coffee. It all contributes to our plans.” He let a rare authentic grin show, before bringing the cup to his lips and savoring the first, large sip. 

It took a few seconds for it to kick in. But when it did, pure magic transpired before Goro.

Shido’s eyes nearly bulged out of his sockets, as he wretched in pure revulsion, jolting out of his chair as a mangled flurry of rapid dry-heaves forced its way past his mouth.

Goro just cackled, finally expressing his true self around his rotten father. 

The bald politician actually rubbed his tongue onto the sleeve of his expensive suit, obviously desperate to get the revolting taste off of it. 

He stared daggers into his hysteric, shaking underling. “What the hell did you- BLEGGH!”

Goro guffawed violently as he pulled out his cellphone, capturing a few magical moments on video. “Taste good, Shido-san?”

Shido stormed forward with pure rage in his eyes. He shoved his desk to the side, spilling the tampered drink all over the floor and, much to Akechi’s delight, his pants.

Shido shrieked at the hot, burning, liquid and fell to the floor in a pathetic, twitching heap.

Akechi took that opportunity to give his resignation notice.

”I’ve made great progress into investigating the Phantom Thieves, _Shido-san_.” He giggled, taking one last photo for the road. “I’ve learned so much about them, that I’ve actually become one of them!”

“After all I’ve done for you... “ Shido forced himself up, and charged with deadly intent. “You little traitor! I’ll strangle you!”

Shido was well-built and had an intimidating aura. The sight of him like this could terrify anyone. But the effect was a little ruined by the wide soaked stain across the crotch of his pants, making it look like the prime-minister elect soiled himself. 

Akechi just shook his head, and tapped the Metanav app on his phone. 

”Not to worry, _father_. I’ll send you a refund.” 

Shido was quick enough to strangle only air, as his son faded away into another realm. 

He stomped on the floor and threw his monitor against the wall, before wailing cuss after cuss. 

He tried to be a little rational, calming himself down and thinking of alternatives to Akechi, though he had to admit nothing came to mind. 

He picked the spilled cup up, and stared at the taunting, black ink on it.

**_Brewed with Love (and cat litter and cigarette ashes),_ **

**_Crow and Joker_ **

If Shido had to pay off a tabloid magazine, to conceal a photo of his expensive imported desk flying out of his high rise window, then Shido supposed that was a good marker for when his master plans went awry.


End file.
